Distance
by yellowsunshinegirl
Summary: This is about what is going on behind the scenes in between Dawson and Casey ... This will probably be a one shote
1. Chapter 1

As they arrived back at their apartment after closing shift Gabby and Matt breathed a sigh of relief. They had a long day and were both exhausted. They both took off their coats and then headed to the couch for much needed time together. Lately it seemed that they were apart more than together. Neither wanted to address what had happened at the fire today. Matt was upset still that Gabby had removed her mask to give it to the woman in the fire. As soon as he saw Gabby's respirator on the woman something in his gut twisted with a mixture of fear and anger. Sure they all put their lives at risk every time they went into a burning building but removing your mask was against every protocol that they were taught as fire fighters. Not only did she risk her life but the others that would have gone back in the building after her. In the end she had come out of the building fine but for the rest of shift the different scenarios played back through his mind if things had turned out differently. Matt kept his mouth shut but the worry and anger for being in this situation sat in his stomach like a rock.

All Casey wanted was to be planning a wedding but instead he was faced with trying to balance a tight rope between work and home life. Since he and Gabby started dating it always seemed like they were trying to avert the next crisis going from one crisis to the nest. First it was the issue of her becoming a firefighter, then his injury and him hiding it from her and then the death of Shay since they had become a couple it seemed to him there was no time to just be with no pressure. Now Severide and his wife being in the apartment added to the bleed over from the work to home. Matt wanted to support Kelly but part of him hated the reminder of someone starting a life together, while he had to wait a year on Gabby to be done with being a candidate before he could even consider that option. He wanted to tell himself everything was fine, but deep down he knew that Gabby and he were not ok. At least under the surface there was more tension between he and Gabby than even Matt wanted to admit.

This rough patch with Gabby made him think of his failed relationship with Halle. They had been on again off again several times before she had died. He had loved her but it had always been a struggle to keep things together for more than a few months at a time. He would never dare to confide to Gabby that he was comparing their relationship to his and Halle's time together. So instead he sat and kept quiet about things while the pressure grew inside him. Matt was not ready to give up on what they had but he just wanted things to be easier for them.

Gabby watched Matt as he was a million miles away. She thought about asking him what he was thinking about but hesitated. In all honesty she was afraid of what Matt would tell her. Today she when she exited the building she had been aware of Matt being pissed at her. After exiting the building she had seen the look of fear and anger mingled together on his face. Instead of reprimanding her all Matt did was to congratulate her on the save. Gabby knew Matt well enough to know that he was avoiding the issues that they were facing. But then again, Gabby was avoiding things herself like thinking about the death of Leslie and Rebecca, She felt like she carried the ghosts of their expectations with her daily. Gabby did not want to disappoint their memory, especially Shays memory. Leslie Shay had been her best friend and partner-in-crime. The fact that they had traded place still did not feel like dumb luck to Gabby but more like a heavy weight of guilt. Her counselor had told her that it was normal and called survival guilt. Gabby didn't know what it was called she just knew it hurt like hell. She was determined to make Shay proud of her.

The added pressure of Kelly prancing around the apartment with his new wife did not help. Gabby was pissed that he was here married when she could not be. She viewed it as a reminder to Matt of what he couldn't have. The other day Matt had even admitted being envious. The worst part was that Matt had extended a hand of friendship to Kelly by asking him to stay, which was fine . But when the subject of the new wife came up Matt had invited her to stay too without even asking Gabby. So she had put it back in his lap to deal with, partly to avoid dealing with why Kelly was really married. Gabby knew it was a reaction to his loss of Shay. But when she had tried to talk to Kelly about it he had accused her of being scared to take the next step with Matt. Gabby started thinking about how fast they had moved in together and then Matt's proposal had followed. She had said yes without reservation but then doubted the timing of everything. Gabby had not even talked to Antonio since he was going through his own marriage troubles. Damn it Shay why can't you be here. You would know what to say to me to make everything make sense. Tears welled up in Gabby's eyes as she turned her back so that Matt could not see her and quickly wiped the tears away. Gabby told herself to just keep moving forward and everything would be fine.

Matt came up behind Gabby and ran his hands around her waist and he felt her stiffen a little bit. He let his hands slack off a little bit as he asked, "Everything ok?"

Gabby replied and regretted not responding to him, "Sorry baby, I am just really tired, Kelly has been keeping me up lately.

"Yeah, I will talk to him soon." Matt withdrew and went over to the couch, grabbed the remote and turned on the tv. He stared at the TV trying to disguise the hurt he felt.

Gabby went over and tried to sit beside him but found that he was focused on the game, "Well I guess I will just go to bed and get some sleep since Kelly and whats her face aren't here. Care to join me?"

Matt glanced up from the television and felt the distance between he and Gabby to be a gulf and answered, " Nah I have been looking forward to this game I recorded on DVR. I would kind of like to watch it before I get some sleep."

OK, See you when I wake up" Gabby tried to answer cheerily.

"Actually I have a construction job so we won't see each other until later." Matt answered back not returning Gabby's gaze.

Gabby walked over to Matt and kissed him and asked, "Are we ok?"

Matt nodded and said , "Sure"

But they both knew they were far from ok. They felt like they were a million miles apart and neither was sure how to get bridge the gap between them.

Gabby, "I want to be a firefighter but I want him. Do I have to make a choice between the two?"

Matt, " I want her but if I asked her to not be a firefighter. Would she choose me? I am not so sure."


	2. Chapter 2

The pressure between the Gabby and Matt continued to grow in spite of them both trying their best to manage the balance between work and home life. The latest incident was when Gabby took off her protective gear after being instructed to keep it on at a chemical spill. Matt had instructed everyone to keep their protective gear on when in the spill zone per protocol. Without asking permission from Matt who was distracted Gabby had disobeyed his orders, taken off her gear and hopped into a truck to pour sand over the affected area to contain the spill. The Battalion commander had noticed Gabby's lack of gear and questioned both Casey and the Chief on the disciplinary lapse for a candidate. It had looked bad for both Casey and Bowden at the scene and had called attention to 51 and painted them in a very bad light. As soon as they were alone Casey reprimanded Dawson for the lapse to drive home the point of how serious the situation was. However, Gabby brushed off Matt's rebuke by bragging. Matt knew that Gabby was nervous and wanted his approval since bragging was normally out of character for her. He also knew she wanted and maybe even needed his approval right now not as her Lieutenant but as Gabby's fiance. But Matt, as her Lieutenant wanted to make it clear how serious bringing bad attention to them was right now. Bowden and the other men who knew about Gabby and Matt had their lives and their careers to think about since they were all looking the other way in order for Gabby to continue work at 51. The kind of rebellion that had made Gabby a great PIC could get them all in trouble or worse even get one of them hurt or killed. Casey had to be a leader to Gabby more than a lover or fiancé. He hated it that Gabby didn't seem to realize the impact that she could have by not listening or paying attention. After his reprimand he had seen the hurt in Gabby's eyes but he ignored it to make his point. Matt wanted to make Gabby think twice before disobeying him on a call again. Later, she had tried to talk to him yet again but Matt avoided talking to her remarking that he could not separate work and home right now. Again Matt tried to make that indelible impression on Gabby about how serious this really was so he had refused to talk to her. At that moment he felt like the world's biggest asshole when Gabby looked at him and asked to talk but he refused.

Later that night he went to grab a beer from the refrigerator when he saw a picture of he and Gabby. In that moment he decided to go to Molly's to talk to Gabby and maybe even have a beer and a dance after closing hours as a way to make up. Matt smiled as he grabbed his keys and headed out thinking of Gabby's warm body pressed against his as well as the smell of her vanilla perfume that drove him crazy. Meanwhile, Gabby was closing up and running the last few days with Matt through her mind. She knew that she screwed up but Gabby needed Matt right now. Gabby felt as if she was in free fall with no one to talk to since Shay was dead , Antonio preoccupied with his own problems and Matt refused to talk to her. So instead she decided to confide in Peter Mills, after all they had been friends way before they were lovers. Gabby didn't love Pete but he was the closest thing to a friend she had right now. Just as she had confided in Mills that outside of work she and Matt were having problems, they both turned to see Matt standing silently watching their exchange. Gabby's heart sank into her stomach as she read the look of betrayal on Matt's face. She called out his name but Matt kept walking out the door of Molly's without a glance back. She had messed up badly and knew it.

Matt heard the words that made him want to be anywhere but Mollys. Hell, Matt had been in blazing fires that shook him less than what he had just witnessed. Gabby had just told her ex lover that she and Matt were not working and that she didn't know what to do. What did that even mean? Was it an open invitation for her and Pete to be lovers again? To Matt this was a huge betrayal since he had put his entire career on the line for Gabby's sake. He was rocked to his core as he had been when Halle died and maybe even worse because there was no place to retreat from Gabby. Matt thought even through everything that Gabby understood he was here for the long haul- no matter what. In fact, Matt had slipped the ring on her finger to make her feel more secure. Instead of trusting that Matt would come around and talk to her, Gabby had went running back to confide in Peter Mills, her last serious relationship. All Matt thought was, "Gabby doesn't want me.. She is leaving me after I tried to show her I am in this until the end with the ring. I gave her everything I have."

Matt – " I thought she loved me and wanted to be with me. Now nothing makes any sense. Where the hell do we, no where do I go from here? "

Gabby " I love him. I need him. But I need him to open up to me since I feel lost and insecure. Doesn't he know that we are everything? How do I get back to where this all started going wrong."


	3. Chapter 3

Gabby sat in the apartment as she contemplated how she and Matt had gotten to this point, Very quickly she decided to pick up and take a few days away from everyone to gain some perspective. She did not want to face another day with Matt and she butting heads or fighting. Time and space between Gabby and Matt seemed like the only thing that made sense right now. The fact that Antonio was in the middle of an undercover investigation, Shay was gone and Matt refused to talk to her made Gabby feel completely alone. She quickly gathered up her things and left a note for Matt.

Matt,

I need some time to think about things. I am leaving and will be back before the next shift. A little space would do us both some good. Please take time to think what you want. I thought we were strong enough to make it through this, but maybe you are right and that we're not. I just need time and I think you do too. We can talk when I get back. Please don't call me I won't answer.

Take care

Gabby

For a split second Gabby thought about adding love to the note but hurt and anger kept her from signing it Love Gabby. She felt petty but then hoped that maybe it would send Matt a message that he needed to take time to figure out what he wanted while she was gone. She looked around the apartment and closed the door behind her checking to make sure she had everything she needed for her extended weekend. After closing and locking the door she called Laura to let her know that she was headed out of town for a few days then turned off her phone and stuck it in her purse before heading north.

After shift Matt and Kelly walked into the apartment expecting to see Gabby. Instead, they found an empty quiet apartment with no sign of her.

Kelly nodded to Matt and said, "Hey man, I am gonna head up north to see my dad and give you two a little space."

Matt nodded and rolled his eyes, "Have a good time I'll probably be talking about my feelings for the next two days.

Not sure of what to say grinned uncomfortably, "Look just don't go bar crawling alone." Kelly really wanted the best for both Gabby and Matt since both of them had been there for him through his time grieving for Shay. But he also didn't want to get in the middle of something that was already spilling over into the firehouse. He had overheard Matt's squad complaining about the situation so Kelly wanted to stay out of it.

Matt shook his head as he watched Kelly walk to his bedroom to pack up, "Nope, not gonna make that mistake again. " Then Matt decided to get some sleep and wait for Gabby to get back. The last thing he wanted was to face Gabby when he was tired . Matt ended up sleeping well past noon and got up when the light from the afternoon sun shone in on his face. He squinted to see the time on the clock which read 1:45 pm. He got up and stretched surprised that he hadn't heard Gabby. Matt figured that she chose to spend the morning on the couch or at Antonio's house. He picked up his phone and called Gabby, " Hey, it's me. Call me when you get this. Matt" As soon as he hung up he wondered why his call went straight to voicemail but thought maybe she was at her brothers. Matt headed to the bathroom to take a shower and that is when he noticed the note with his name on it on Gabby's nightstand in her hand writing. He picked it up and read the note, and then reread the note. He swallowed hard realizing that she was gone without talking to him first. Two things that stood out to him was the fact that Gabby would not answer if he called and that there was not I love you on the note. Matt ran his hands through his hair as he plopped back onto the bed listening to the silent apartment. Instead of showering he walked out into their living room and looked at the Christmas tree. In a fit of anger, he picked up and threw a pillow at the Christmas tree and watched ornaments fall and break. Just then Matt heard a key rattle in the door and his heart skipped a beat in relief that Gabby changed her mind and came back. Matt walked over to greet her with a hug but stopped short when he saw Severide standing in the door.

With a frown Matt looked at Kelly irritated that he had almost hugged him. Kelly looked at Matt and asked, "Who peed in your wheaties?"

Matt didn't say anything but shrugged and went to pick up the broken ornaments off of the floor.

Kelly chuckled and said, "Are you and the Christmas tree fighting now?"

Matt mumbled as he picked up the pieces of glass ,"She left without talking to me first."

Kelly said confused about what they were even talking about, "Who left?"

Matt stood up and threw a nasty look Severides direction, "Gabby left without even talking to me first. She left me a note."

Severide sighed and shrugged not sure what to say, "Maybe it is what both of you need- space."

"How the hell would you know what we need? What your marriage lasted 3 weeks? " Matt retorted caustically.

"Look man, don't take this out on me. I am just trying to be a friend right now." Kelly put his hands up but stated before turning around and heading toward his bedroom. A few minutes later he exited his bedroom with a bag slung over his shoulder.

Matt sat on the couch drinking a beer, " Sorry for earlier man. I just don't get her. First she wants to talk and then she just takes off. I just don't get it. 

Kelly sat down in the chair, " Two things I can tell you are that one drinking is not gonna solve anything I spent the last few months at the bottom of a bottle. Second thing is that you and Dawson need to chill out at work. You can't keep dragging your issues into work with you. No matter what you decide you have to leave your baggage at home."

Matt nodded not saying anything as he looked at the floor and raked one had through his hair.

"Look man, I am not the one to have your answers. You need to get a hold of Dawson and decide if it is worth it, then move on from there. Look I gotta get going to the hunting cabin to meet Benny."

Matt stood up and held out his hand to shake hands with Kelly before he left, "Thanks man"

"No problem, See you next shift.' With that Severide left the apartment leaving Matt with his own thoughts about he and Gabby.

Gabby reached the little town just where she and Shay had their last girl's weekend that was cut short. She checked herself into a hotel and settled in for the next few days. She reached into her purse to pull out her phone but then shook her head and threw her phone back into her purse just before she headed out. Just down the block there was a little dive that Shay always loved. Gabby headed in and ordered a whiskey and sat at the bar thinking of she and Matt and let out a heavy sigh.

Back in Chicago, Matt walked into Molly's to have a drink and some company. Hermann was behind the bar and said ,"What'll it be Lieutenant?"

Matt said as he sat down at the bar while telling Hermann 'I'll have a coke lots of ice."

Hermann said ,"Nothing stronger than coke for you Lieutenant?"

"Nope, just came here since it was so quiet at the apartment," Matt said stirring his drink absent mindedly

"Having a rough time Lieutenant?" Herman says leaning on the bar.

Matt looks up and says, "What? Did you say something Hermann?"

Hermann says as he slung the bar rag over his shoulder, "Look I normally don't give advise but take it from an old married man. Don't let things fester, if you love her talk to her. "

Matt pushed himself away from the bar, threw some money on the bar and said, 'Yeah Herman see you at work."

Hermann shook his head as he watched Matt walk out the door, "That is one stubborn…"

Matt walked down the block to a diner, walked in and sat at the counter.

A pretty young waitress walked up, "What'll it be handsome?"

Matt smiled back and said flirtatiously , "What are your specials? And what is your name?"

"Well handsome when you put it that way blue eyes, anything you want. My name is Melody by the way."

All of a sudden a small petite woman walked into the restaurant that reminded him of Gabby. She sat down at the counter two seats away from him and picked up her phone.

"Hey baby, I just stopped to pick us up something to eat. We can put up the Christmas tree tonight so break open a bottle of cheap wine so that we can celebrate.

Matt's breath caught in his chest as he rose from the stool and walked out without even looking back. The waitress called after him but he didn't look back. He just started walking around Chicago and thinking about he and Gabby wondering how they ever got so far apart


	4. Chapter 4

Gabby continued to sip on her glass of whiskey when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She jumped a little and then looked around to see who could possibly know her. She found a woman who looked vaguely familiar smiling at her.

"Hi I'm Karen. Remember you and your friend rented the cabin from my ex husband and I a few months back?"

Gabby smiled back, "Yeah I remember you now. Sorry I didn't recognize you. I was kind of lost in my own thoughts."

"No problem. So where is your friend? The blond lady that came with you?"

Gabby not knowing what to say and not wanting to talk about Shay right now repliled, "Yeah she isn't with me , it's a long story. So how is your husband?"

Karen frowned, "Speaking of long stories, we split up about a week after he left the hospital. I just got tired of the constant fighting."

Gabby nodded not sure what to say, "Yeah I can relate."

" I just wish I hadn't wasted all of those years. I mean if it doesn't work just move on. That is my new motto." Karen said and lifted her glass to toast Gabby.

Gabby raised her glass and began to look for a way out of this conversation. She wanted to be alone with her thoughts when Karen grabbed her hand to drag her onto the dance floor. Soon Karen was trying to dirty dance and glancing around to see what kind of male attention they were getting. Before long two men got up and approached Gabby and Karen and asked each of them to dance.

"Um no thanks, I was just leaving." Gabby said as she sidestepped the guy trying to pull her into a dance. Karen was already dirty dancing with a middle aged bearded guy.

"Honey, don't play hard to get. It's cold outside and we could keep each other company."

Gabby dodged the guys hands and went to the bar to pay her tab and then left quickly to go back to her hotel. She pulled out her phone to call in case the guy from the bar followed her out the door. Gabby looked back and the guy from the dance floor was staggering trying to follow her out. In order to avoid him seeing where she was going Gabby started to jog across the street to a diner. Just as she got into the intersection horns began blaring as she tried to move out of the way of the oncoming headlights.

Back In Chicago Casey walked along the pier in order to try to clear his head. Everywhere he looked Matt saw couples and families out getting ready for Christmas. He missed Gabby and wanted her here with him. For a moment Matt thought about calling his sister but then decided against that since she was going through her divorce and was trying to get settled into her own new life. Matt decided to pick up the phone and call his mom.

"Hello" Nancy answered and he could her laughing in the background

"Mom, it's Matt. I know it has been a while but can we talk?"

"Um well, I am kind of in the middle of a date right now. Is it alright if I call you tomorrow?" Nancy answered and then he could hear her muffle the received and talk to someone in the background.

Matt answered and lied slighty irritated that he always seemed to be a distant second when it came to his mom's priorites, "No, I am on shift tomorrow so we will just see each other at Christmas. Bye."

"OK Honey, see you then." Then Matt heard a click and then dead air before he put the phone back in his pocket.

Shaking his head , Matt tucked his hands in his pocket and headed for his truck and headed for home. Fifteen minutes later he was back at home and decided to change into his sweats when he realized his favorite pair was in the dryer. He jogged to the laundry basket of clean clothing and when he reached in he felt a box underneath the clothes. It seemed as if Gabby had forgotten to hide one of his presents better from him since Matt was a notorious snoop. In fact he and Gabby had laughed over his nosy streak. He picked up the box and decided to go to the couch and open it up. Lying in the box was a partially put together photo album with the title "The Story of Us." Matt opened the photo album and found all kinds of pictures of he and Gabby from even before they were together. He picked up one picture that had all of 51 including Andy and Shay from a few years back. All of a sudden he found a lump forming in his throat as he thought about Hallie, Andy and Shay who were all dead. Then he flipped and found a picture of He, Ben and Griffin on a game night with the caption "three handsome men and a lady." Again he flipped the page and found the next picture was of Matt and Gabby arm in arm in front of Molly's bar. The last picture was of him and Gabby at the last fireman's ball. Matt was in a tuxedo and she was in a emerald green evening gown and both of them were smiling and dancing unaware that Shay was taking their picture.

Matt closed the album and put it back in the laundry hamper and thought to himself, "What the hell am I doing?" He then picked up his phone and dialed Gabby. He was surprised when Gabby answered her phone. However, he was relieved that she had changed her mind.

"Gabby, baby. It's me Matt. Can you come home and we can talk?"

"Huh, ain't no Gabby here Sweety. This is Harold. ' answered a man's voice on the other end of the phone

"Who the hell is this? This is my girlfriends number" Matt answered wanting to know what was going on and why a strange man was answering Gabby's phone

"Don't know what you are talking about. This is my phone my number." Then the phone went dead.

Matt immediately redialed but the phone went directly to voicemail. A bad feeling started to form in the pit of Matt's stomach. He picked up his phone and dialed District 21 and asked for Detective Lindsey to try and track down Antonio. Whatever was going on Matt knew that Gabby would not have given her phone to a strange man. After leaving a voice mail for Lindsey he decided to call Severide and Benny who both had lots of contacts with investigators. He also got their voicemail.


	5. Chapter 5

Matt was on his way into the district and decided to pick up his phone and call Peter Mills after some hesitation. He had calmed down about the encounter between Peter and Gabby and thought that maybe Mills might know where Gabby was.

"Hey Lieutenant." answered a very sleepy sounding Peter Mills.

"Hey Mills. How are you doing?" Matt asked referring to Peter and Brett being kidnapped by the gangster.

"OK, just trying to get some rest. I am still pretty beaten up." Peter answered as he looked in the mirror at his bruised face.

Brett and he had been abducted by the mafia in retaliation for his son dying en route to the hospital after he was thought to be ok. There had been a 5 hour stand-off between the police and the gang. Before that Peter had been severely beaten for the death of the gangsters son. Brett had been the one to keep them from killing Peter by saying that they would get the death penalty. In the end Voigt had ordered the swat team to storm the building after they had threatened to execute Brett and Peter.

"Glad to hear that you are ok. Listen I have to ask you something." Casey said hesitating to bring Peter in the middle of he and Gabby again.

"Yeah sure, by the way have you heard how Terrance is doing?" Mills asked about Chief Boden's new son Terrence who was still in the hospital

"Last time I checked in with the chief they think that he has a mild heart defect that was not detected. He is in stable condition in the NICU. Boden and Donna are calling in a specialist and I guess they think is going to be correctable with a pace maker.' Casey answered while he turned into the District parking lot.

"That is great news. I know how much this baby means to the chief." Peter said thinking about how he looked up to the Chief as a substitute father. Then he continued, "So Lieutnenat what did you need from me."

Casey let out a long breath, 'It is about Dawson…."

Even before Casey could finish Mills chimed in ,"Look Lieutenant, Dawson and I are friends only. We were over last year and the only thing you saw in Molly's was two friends. Beyond that I havent' talked to Gabby in months other than in passing. I was concerned because I have been the new candidate and after what happened with Jones… well… Then Peter's voice trailed off as he thought about Rebecca Jones.

"Look I don't know how to say this but Gabby is missing. She took off to clear her head and I am trying to find out where she might be. Do you have any ideas?" Matt asked feeling both worried and weird about asking Peter Mills where Gabby was.

"Missing? Really, that doesn't sound like Gabby at all. Why do you think she is missing?" asked a concerned Mills

"Well I tried to get in touch with her and a strange guy answered her phone and claimed that this was his phone and number. I am headed into the District to talk to Erin Lindsey since Antonio is on an undercover investigation right now. Do you have any idea where she could have gone" Matt filled in Peter with more details on Gabby's disappearance

"Damn, I have no idea where she could be. Sorry I couldn't help. Let me know when you find her." Mills says not knowing what else to say.

After a short pause Casey hung up the phone after saying goodbye to Mills, only to see an incoming call from Laura Dawson and picked up the phone to say hello.

"Hey Matt it's Laura, I just got a call from Detective Lindsey saying that Gabby is missing. She called me since Antonio is still working undercover right now. I know where she went since she called me before she left town."Laura says with a voice full concern.

"Wait, so she called you to let you know where she was going?" Matt answered confused since he knew that Laura and Antonio weren't together right now.

"Yes since her parents are out of town and Antonio is undercover she decided to tell me." There was a pause on the phone and the Laura continued, "since she wanted someone to know where she was going. Gabby went to the town up north that was near the cabin she stayed at last year for her girl's weekend."

"Great thanks Laura. I am headed that way, text me the name of the hotel that she is staying at. " Matt finished the conversation quickly and began to head north in search of Gabby.

Two hours later Matt arrived in town and headed for the hotel room and went to the front desk.

A older man came to the service counter, "Yes sir, How can I help you?"

Matt started to explain, "My name is Matt Casey and my girlfriend is supposed to be staying here. Her name is Gabby Dawson and I was wondering if you could give me her room number."

The guy looked at Matt skeptically, "Sir if your girlfriend is staying here why wouldn't you know about it?"

Matt began to get frustrated and said, "Look it is hard to explain but I think she may be in trouble. Can you just please look at the register and see if she is here?"

The guy behind the counter seemed more intent on not giving Matt any information. "Sir I am sorry but I can't help you out. Our guests privacy is important to us. Why don't you just call your girlfriend? "

Matt began to get angry when he heard Gabby call out behind him. 'Matt what are you doing here?"

"Gabby, Baby thank God you are ok," Matt said as he took two strides toward Gabby and pulled her into a hug.

"Wait, what do you mean? Didn't you get my note?" Gabby pulled back confused as to why Matt was here and what he was talking about.

Matt covered her mouth with his lips and kissed her before pulling back to explain, '"I tried to call you and some guy answered your phone. I thought something happened to you."

"No I am fine I lost my phone yesterday when I was walking from the bar to the diner to try to avoid a drunk." Gabby said trying to explain that she was fine.

"Wait, what drunk and what bar? I thought you were here to think about us and how to work on us? I mean you beg me to talk then you take off to drink in a strange bar two hours from home?" Matt pulled back defensively trying to figure out why Gabby was in a bar instead of at home trying to work on their relationship.

"I was having a drink to remember Shay. But why are you talking to me about drinking? Weren't you the one who slept on a strange girls couch?" Gabby said pushing Matt away angrily.

Looking around Matt said to Gabby as he tried to calm down, "Can we not do this here? I mean can we at least go somewhere and talk in private instead of airing our dirty laundry in public?"

"Yeah my room is on the second floor." Gabby said as she looked around the small lobby and realilzed that people were staring at she and Matt as they fought.

As they went upstairs Matt took Gabby by the hand to try to calm both of them down. In the mean time he handed his phone to Gabby to call Lauren so that she would know that Gabby was ok. After getting done with the phone call Gabby dug her keycard out of her purse.

"Look Matt I am tired and I don't feel like arguing anymore. ' Gabby sighed as she sank onto the bed and looked him in the eye.

Matt looked at her and remembered how scared he was just an hour ago. Instead of saying anything to Gabby, instead he went to the bed and sat next to her. Without a word Matt kissed Gabby deeply and began to push her back onto the bed, At first Gabby resisted but then began to respond wanting to put all of the tension from the last few days behind them. Matt snaked his hands up her side to remove her top as he let out a grunt as he lifted Gabby up to move her farther back on the bed. Before long their clothing was in a pile on the end of the bed as they made love. Matt could not tell where he ended and Gabby began. There was not talking just the two of them trying to reconnect far away from the firehouse and their problems. Gabby held onto Matt tightly as he moved over her. This was the man that she had loved for years, then made hers and now who seemed to be slipping away. Soon they both reached the point of no return only thinking about this night as they held tightly to each other. Somehow, maybe if they held tightly enough what they had would not slip away.

Later that night Matt watched Gabby sleep and wondered what they would do next. He loved her more than anything in his life. The thought of losing her scared him. But what scared him even more was having a marriage like his parents. He had been in the middle of his mom and dad for years. Matt remembered many nights of hearing his parents fight until their divorce until finally it had ended with his father being murdered by his mom. Matt tried to push those thoughts out of his mind before wrapping his arms around a sleeping Gabby falling into a deep sleep himself. Tomorrow would take care of itself since their problems would still be waiting for them.


	6. One last toast goodbye

Gabby woke up early the next morning curled up in Matt's arms and remembered last night. She started to move and get up but Matt reached out and scooped her close to him.

"Morning, It is too bad we have shift this morning." Matt whispered to Gabby as he held her against his chest.

Gabby took a deep breath and broke the news to him, 'Actually I don't have shift today."

Matt moved to his elbow and looked at Gabby confused." Huh, what do you mean you don't have shift?"

Gabby bit her lip and looked at Matt, "Baby, I talked to the Captain or 3rd watch and asked for his permission to change shifts for the next 3 shifts. That way I can stay at 51 but it gives us time to work on things. He agreed with me so I am on a different shift starting immediately and said he would talk to Bowden when Terrence is out of the woods."

Matt pushed himself back from Gabby and ran his hands through his hair, "Gabby why didn't you talk to me before you talked to the Chief? I mean I am your Lieutenant and your fiancé. It would have been nice for me to know about this."

"It is my career and you wouldn't talk to me so I thought .. Gabby said as she leaned trying to pull Matt around to face her.

"Well you thought wrong. You should have talked to me first. So we are back to square one with this not respecting my judgment as your fiancé or Lieutenant." Matt says as he walked to the end of the bed to get his clothing.

Gabby just sat there in stunned silence trying to figure out what to say. Then finally said, 'It comes down to you not being able to forgive me for that night at the bar with Mills."

Matt turned to look at Gabby red faced not saying anything as he pulled on his shirt over his head and started to dig for his keys. He looked at Gabby and saw tears running down the side of her face as she turned away from him. Gabby pulled the sheet off of the bed and wrapped it around her as walked toward the bathroom. Matt watched as her shoulder shook from her sobs. He walked over to her and gently grabbed her shoulders and pulled her to his chest. She cried softly as Matt held her in his arms.

"Look I have to get going so that I can make it to shift. I don't know the answers right now but I am sorry for reacting so badly ok." Matt said regretting getting angry so quickly. He just kept remembering the picture of Mills and Gabby holding hands at Molly's.

Gabby stepped back from Matt not saying much at first and said, "I can't keep doing this. I just can't."

Matt furrowed his brow searching Gabby's eyes for an answer to the question, "What are you saying? What do you mean by that?"

"Everything I am doing seems to be making things worse. I mean it's Christmas and all we are doing is fighting and making up only to be back in the same place. " Gabby stepped back a few steps shaking her head

Matt let out a long breath and tried to pull Gabby to him again to diffuse the situation. Instead she stood firm and said, "You had better get going if you are going to make it back to Chicago and shift."

Matt hesitated and said as he put his hand under Gabby's chin,' Promise that me that we will talk tomorrow when I get off of shift. Ok?

Gabby shook her head hugging the sheet that had started to slip closer to her body, "I will be going on shift just as you are coming off of shift. "

"Well then promise me that we will talk about this as soon as we are both off of shift? We can find a way to make this work. " Matt said as he gave her one last kiss on the cheek before heading to the door.

As soon as Matt left Gabby picked up the phone and left a message for her brother Antonio. " Hey, I know you are undercover right now. But I really need you right now. I don't know what to do. Please call me when you get a chance. I just need someone to talk to."

Matt got into his truck and headed back to Chicago for shift when he saw Kelly Severides number pop up on his cell.

Kelly said.' Hey Matt It's KellyI got you voice mail just now. What's up?"

Matt let out a long breath and answered," Long story , I will tell you about it on shift."

Kelly said, 'Good, see you and Dawson on shift."

Matt took another long breath, "Um, she is going to be working on 3rd shift for the next few shifts."

"Ok, if you think that will help to get you guys back to normal." Kelly answered trying to choose his words carefully.

"Yeah, whatever it takes. See you on shift ." And with that Matt hung up the phone and sat it down beside him on the seat."

Twenty minutes later as he traveled back to Chicago he heard his phone buzzing and saw that it was Gabby calling and answered, "Casey construction how may I help you?"

Gabby said in a slow seductive voice, "Um Mr Casey I need your help this Christmas eve. Could you meet me under my Christmas tree?"

Matt chuckled and said, "It is going to cost you for me to make a service call on Christmas eve."

Gabby purred on the other end of the phone, "I have cognac, a black teddy, and some seafood pialla to pay my bill."

Matt began to picture Gabby in a black teddy curled underneath their first Christmas tree together and his cheeks flushed at the thought," Oh yeah, what else did you have in mind to pay your bill?"

"You name it and you will have any service you want rendered with a smile." Gabby answered half laughing in a husky voice

Matt heard laughter coming from the other end of the phone and said "It's a date. You meet me under the Christmas tree with mistletoe and you and I am good. One thing though you have to promise to be extra nice to this Christmas elf."

Gabby got quiet on the other end of the phone and then choked with emotion. "Matt, you know you , I mean we are everything. I want this to work and I love and respect you. I am sorry for making you doubt that."

"Hey we will figure it out together. Look I gotta go it looks like there is an accident up ahead and traffic is getting bad. I love you and I'll talk to you later."

"Ok we'll talk later, stay safe and I love you too." Gabby smiled as she put down the phone as she felt more secure than she had felt in weeks. Gabby then decided to pick up the phone and make another appointment with the chaplain for tomorrow. She needed to talk about everything including the incident with Matt and Mills. Gabby wanted to please everyone and wanted to be strong, in part to represent Shay and Jones and uphold their memory. But right now she felt vulnerable with her job, relationship and everything feeling uncertain. Maybe the chaplain could give her more perspective and she even thought about inviting Matt with her to an appointment. Gabby sighed as she left the hotel trying to mentally prepare to return to the juggling act her life had been later.

Christmas eve night Gabby and Matt sat eating the dinner that Gabby made with the music low and their phones turned off. The lights of the Christmas tree twinkled and music played in the background as they finished dinner and toasted to their first Christmas together. Matt stood up from the table and pulled Gabby to him, "Dance with me." Gabby stood up and took off her shoes and laid her head on Matt's shoulder as his hands encircled her waist. They danced slowly to the music when they heard a key turn in the lock of the apartment. They saw Severide come in and look at them awkwardly as he said, "Sorry, I am only here for a minute. I just came to get a few things before going to my moms."

Gabby waived him off and said, "Kelly I am glad you are here. Matt and I have something for you."

Matt said nodding his head in agreement, "Yeah man take a seat Gabby and I have a few presents for you."

Kelly asked, "Are you guys sure? I mean I really didn't mean to interrupt anything. I can be out of here in two minutes.

Gabby and Matt both shook their head and headed in different directions. Matt came back holding an open beer for Kelly then took a seat on the sofa as he turned off the stereo. Gabby walked back from the bedroom with a stack of presents for Kelly to open up. After 10 or 15 minutes of opening Kelly saw the final one and opened it up. Inside the last box was a picture of Shay and Kelly at the fireman's ball and it was framed in an antique sterling silver frame.

Kelly looked up at Gabby and then back at the frame and tears welled up in the corner s of his eyes. "Thanks Gabby, I miss her so much. We used to have a Christmas toast with some Jameson." Gabby got up and sat next to Kelly and hugged him as they both remembered the friend that they had lost

Matt then pulled out a bottle of Jameson and 3 glasses and poured each of them a drink over ice. "Yeah I remember you mentioning it at the funeral so we decided to toast Shay with you tonite."

Gabby, Matt and Kelly all toasted as Matt called out since the other two were too choked up to talk. "To Leslie Shay, we miss you and love you every day. Let's live our lives to make you proud."

Kelly, Gabby and Matt spent the next hour talking about Shay and remembering her and Andy. They all missed both of them and felt that both Andy Darden and Leslie Shay left a piece of themselves behind at 51. Finally Kelly got up to leave to head to his moms and left Gabby and Matt to enjoy their first Christmas eve together.

After Kelly left Matt locked the door behind him and walked over and scooped Gabby and carried her over his shoulder to couch, "Now where were we"?"

Gabby yelped and squealed as Matt and she plopped onto the sofa and she said, "Lieutenant it is time for you to collect on that debt I owe you for the Chirstmas eve call."

Matt grinned as he nibbled on Gabby's neck, "Oh I intend on collecting that right now" And with that Gabby and Matt made love long into the night and into the wee hours of Christmas morning.


	7. Chapter 7

It was two days after Christmas and Gabby was getting off of shift as Matt was going on shift at 51. They had both spent a happy Christmas together and visited both of their families. However, they still had not addressed their problems. Gabby wanted to visit the chaplain again and talk about maybe scheduling an appointment with Matt and Gabby to talk about their problems at work.

Gabby saw Matt as he was coming on shift and walked over to him saying, "Hey, can we talk a few minutes before you start shift?"

Matt strode to Gabby and answered, "Sure, just wait until shift starts and we can talk in my office. Anything important?"

Gabby nodded while biting her lip as her eyes did not meet his, "Yeah kind of but I need to talk to you before I go to an appointment I have this morning."

Immediately Matt noticed her body language and knew that she was nervous and was curious about what the conversation would be about. So after everyone attended orientation for shift Matt headed to his office where he found Gabby sitting on his bed. He looked around and closed the door as he sat in his chair, "So ok what did we need to talk about?"

Leaning forward Gabby looked at him and said, "The last few days between us has been great. I loved our first Christmas together and I want there to be so many more."

Nodding in agreement Matt said, "Yeah after the last few weeks it was nice to just be a couple again. But so what do you need to talk about?"

"Ok, you know those times I told you I was meeting Antonio for lunch. I really wasn't I was going to see someone else. This time I would like you to go with me. I think it would do us good." Gabby said as she let out a long breath.

Shaking his head Matt looked really confused," So where were you going all of those times? And what does this have to do with me or us, I mean?"

With a furrowed brow and after a very long pause Gabby started off," After Shay's death I went to see the Chaplain to try to figure out some stuff. He really helped me out. I mean you did too but he helped me to process my grief about losing Leslie."

Matt got up from his chair and went to kneel in front of Gabby and took her face into his hands, "Hey, I meant what I said about our engagement being about us handling things together, including our grief for Shay. Gabby nodded as matt continued, "So you want me to go with you and talk about Shay's death? I would be happy to."

Gabby placed her hands on Matt's and pulled them into her lap as she shook her head, "No, I want us to go about us and the way we are as a couple. I know the last few days have been great but I need to know that we are on the same page. I mean we don't talk about stuff or communicate. I need that if we and this is going to work."

Immediately Matt stiffened at the suggestion of him needing counseling. The last thing he wanted to do is to talk about his relationship with Gabby with another firefighter, even if he was a chaplain. So Matt shook his head as he set his jaw and said, " I don't want or need counseling. I mean I am not the one who was talking to my ex lover about how hard it is to be with me. "

"Wait so we are back to square one on this? Matt we both made mistakes. I am not going to go round in circles on this. I won't take the entire blame for where we are."

"Why? We were fine until I heard you talk to Mills about us and your apparent problems . So why do I need to talk about this to anyone? " Matt rose and pulled his hands through his hair.

Gabby was in shock as she retorted," We were not fine. I mean how many times when you were injured did you say you were fine? Matt I need you to go to counseling with me. If it is not the chaplain then you can choose someone outside the department."

"I don't want to talk about my feelings to anyone. I want to get married and start my life with a woman who wants to be with me. Why is that so hard for you to understand?' Matt answered with more force than we wanted to.

Gabby headed for his office door and turned red faced somewhere between tears and anger, "Then I don't know how we can get through this. I mean all we have been doing is having sex to make up. You said that this was more than about just make up sex. I need to be able to know that I can talk to you about anything. I mean I could once … You were my best friend"

Matt hurt said as he saw Gabby open the door to leave, "What do you mean that I was your best friend?"

Gabby turned with tear filled eyes and said, "I don't know what I mean anymore."

Matt wanted to go after her but something made him stay. He did not want to cause any moe talk at the firehouse about He and Gabby. Matt wanted to give them both time to calm down. He needed to think about everything.


	8. Chapter 8

Gabby walked down the hall and collided into Severide on her way out of 51.

Severide saw the tears running down her cheeks and said turning her in the opposite direction of the common room, "Come with me out the back of the house. Everyone doesn't need to see you upset."

Gabby let him steer her down the hall and out the back door to where the trash was located. She was grateful for him right now for just trying to look out for her. After they are outside Kelly watches Gabby collect herself from being upset. After a few minutes Severide decides to say something, " Look it is none of my business but you guys need to keep all of this outside the house. You can't continue to drag your issues into the house. It is going to look bad for both you and Matt.

Gabby nodded her head as she looks at the ground, "Damn it I know it. The guys don't say anything but I see them giving us looks."

Severide pulls out a cigar and lights it up and offers a puff to Gabby who smiles as she shakes her head and says, "What am I one of the guys now?"

Kelly chuckles as he puffs on the cigar, "Yeah it is a kind of right of passage for all new candidates" Then he continues to talk as he looks at Gabby. "So why can't you two get past all of this bull shit? I mean you two have always been able to talk."

Gabby remains silent and just looks at Kelly afraid that talking about her problems with Matt with anyone else will make things worse.

"Look you know that you can talk to me right? I owe you a few with the whole drug thing and then being there for me with Shay." Kelly looks at her as his voice breaks a little bit at the thought of Shay and then continues, "You know she would kick your ass if she saw how you and Casey were acting right? I mean we watched the two of you dance around your attraction for years."

Gabby smiled and let out a soft breath as she remembered her feisty friend, Shay. "Yeah, you are right. She always knew what to say to me. I really miss her, you know?"

Severide knew exactly what Dawson was talking about and laughed softly, "Shay knew how to hug you while kicking your ass at the same time. I still look for her as I come in for shift"

"Yeah when Casey and I were engaged I wanted to call and tell her that were engaged but then I remembered, well you know." Gabby's voice trailed off as she thought about that morning and how Matt had been open to talking.

Severide put out the cigar and put an arm around Gabby, " Look just take time and you and Matt will figure stuff out. But keep your fighting out of the station because the guys need to see Matt as a leader. They also need to know that you can handle yourself and your personal life. Their lives depend on you being focused and having your head here and not on your last fight. OK?"

Gabby stopped for a second and hugged Kelly grateful for this moment of friendship." Yeah I know. Thanks Kelly."

They both turned to go back into the firehouse so that Gabby could finally leave when they saw Matt coming down the hall then said to Dawson, "Hey Mouch came down with the flu and we are short a person. Do you think you could stay until we get a replacement?"

Gabby hesitated for a minute and then commented, "Sure, I just have to cancel my appointment and I can stay until you get someone to take his place."

Severide went down the hall and Matt looked at Gabby and said ,"Hey, we can talk in my office if you want now."

Gabby hesitated then remembered Kelly's warning about bringing their personal lives into 51 then answered. "Yeah can we just talk when we are both at home or later."

Matt was confused but let out a long breath and muttered as he turned and walked back to his office before turning to tell Dawson." Fine have it your way. By the way I think the common room needs mopped and the showers need a good cleaning candidate.."

Dawson answered trying to act as if nothing had happened between them, "Yes Lieutenant. I'll get right on that."

An hour later Dawson started to cook lunch when she saw Casey walk in and glance her way.

Hermann was wiping up the tables as Otis watched in amusement."An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure I always say."

Otis laughed while watching Herman, "Are you a germaphobe?"

Herman continued wiping down the tables, "Call me what you will but I have five kids? Have you ever been in a house with five kids with the flu? It aint pretty especially with only 1 -1/2 baths."

"Don't you get them a flu shot?" Otis answers snidely.

"Shut it Otis" was all Herman would answer then he gave a dirty look to Cruz too.

"Hey I am not in this guys," Cruz said as he walked away shaking his head at Otis who was just trying to get a rise out of Hermann.

Meanwhile Gabby piped up and said as she watched the guys line up for lunch, "Lunch is ready and its grilled cheese and tomato bisque."

Matt looked at Gabby and tried to get her attention for her to sit beside him. Instead she sat beside Chout who was filling in for Mills and Silvey who were still recovering from their kidnapping ordeal. It was not that Dawson wanted to punish Casey, rather she just wanted to avoid more conflict for the rest of shift. Casey shook his head and settled into eat listening to the chatter around the table stealing glances at Gabby trying to figure out what had changed. Alarms sounded and everyone jumped to get in the action after putting on their gear.

When they arrived on scene they found it to be an apartment building fire with multiple people trapped and several companies had responded. Casey shouted to Cruz and Otis to be on hose while Hermann and Dawson were to go with him into the building.

Casey turned to Dawson and yelled. "I want you on Hermann's ass. If he stops I want you to be on top o him understand?"

Both Dawson and Herman nodded as they went into the building together and climbed the stairs yelling, "Fire department call out." Hermann called out to Dawson, "You go left and I will go right. Keep me in your line of sight, OK?"

Dawson nodded and gave a thumbs up to Hermann, They both did a sweep of the room when Dawson heard the order to evacuate. Before she knew it a wall of flames separated her a Hermann as black smoke started rolling across the ceiling. She heard Hermann say over his mouth piece, "Casey, Dawson is trapped I need a ladder on the south side of the building, on the 3rd floor the window at the end. I can't get to her from here"

Then Gabby heard Severide shout over the radio, "We are coming for you Hermann hold on." Right after that the floor between Dawson and Herman partially collapsed, so Hermann had no choice but to head out the door into the hallway to Severide

Right after that Casey ordered Cruz and Otis to get a ladder on the building. She watched as the black smoke rolled totally blocked her line of vision from Hermann. Gabby turned to the window to wait for the ladder as she heard Hermann and Severide on the head pieces that they got out but could not reach her. Gabby got down on her hands and knees and started crawling to the window when she hit something and realized it was a man.

"Casey I am headed to the window but I have a victim I found at the windo." Gabby called out on her mouth piece as she dragged the unconscious victim to the window. Outside Casey watched anxiously as the ladder was being placed at the window. He saw the telltale black smoke roll out the windows. Just then Hermann, Severide and Capp exited the building's entrance all gazing upward at the window anxiously. They had not been able to get out Gabby since the floor partially collapsed as well as the black smoke had blocked their view. All of 51 watched as Gabby broke out the window and waited for the truck to the ladder into position. Then everyone heard Dawson call out over the mouth piece ."Getting hot in here guys, How long before I can get out of here?"

Casey said trying to remain calm as he headed up the ladder himself followed by Cruz and Otis. "Hold on Dawson we are headed up the ladder now. Can you get the victim out without help?"

Gabby answered, " I can get her to the window but she is dead weight so I will need help getting her out."

"Ok I am coming to help get her out." Casey got to the window and saw that Dawson was dragging the victim out of the window. He crawled in the window to help Dawson get the woman to Cruz and Otis who headed down the ladder with the unconscious victim. Then he motioned for Dawson to go out first and saw her hesitate and then saw her nod. Soon Casey and Dawson were headed to the ground and as their feet touched the ground they heard a cheer from the members of 51 over the radios.

Severide walked over to Dawson who had taken off her mask and was drenched in sweat and clapped her on her back saying "Good job candidate. Nice save!"

Dawson responded with a grin. "Yeah it got hairy up there. I am just glad we all made it out safely

Casey watched quietly at the exchange and started to say something to Dawson who turned to the rest of 51 congratulating her. At that point he realized how much he had been pushing Gabby away by refusing to go to counseling. He had tried to avoid being like his dad and instead Matt was acting like him out of fear. "What an asshole I have been", Matt thought to himself. Matt remembered wanting to talk to his dad as a kid and being blown off or totally ignored. He had hated being treated like that, now Matt hated that he had resorted to treating Gabby like this out of anger and the fear of losing her. Hw wanted to make things right as soon as possible. As soon as the rest of 51 started to gather up the gear he quietly approached Gabby who glanced at him.

He took a step toward her both emotionally and physically as he said with a grin, "You did one hell of a job there Candidate Dawson."

Gabby smiled back at him and took a step closer to him, "Thanks Lieutenant,"

Matt looked right and left trying to make sure that no one was close enough to listen when he whispered to Gabby, "That's my girl"

Gabby frowned and shook her head at a very confused Matt and whispered in a low tone then walked away, "Not here, I am not your girl here. "

Matt stood there dumb struck not sure what had just happened between he and Gabby. As they rode back Matt didn't say anything but listened to everyone talk about the fire as the congratulated Dawson who acted normal. Casey was hurt that Gabby had rebuffed him at the fire. So as soon as he stripped off his bunker gear he headed to the showers without looking at anyone. After showering Casey headed to his office trying to spot Gabby but did not see her. Matt went to his office and found a note with his name on the front of a folded sheet which said

Matt

Sorry, I am trying to show you respect as a Lieutenant. I am your candidate when I am at 51. But I am your girl everywhere else. One more thing you are still my best friend.

I love you . Gabby

Casey picked up the piece of paper, folded it and put it in his pocket. He then walked out to try and find Gabby. He found her in the locker room followed by Chout who looked like a lost puppy dog as he chatted to her about the rescue again. "You were amazing. That makes me want to be a firefirgher. You know with all of my spelunking I could probably breeze through being in tight spaces. Matt caught Gabby's eye and mouthed "I love you" without Chout even being aware of the exchange. Gabby only nodded slightly to Matt as Chout chattered on without paying any attention to Matt. Matt shook his head and chuckled as he walked away understanding that Gabby was treating him strictly as her Lieutenant out of respect not emotion. He picked up his phone and texted

Gabby. I love you too. We can go to the chaplain to talk about everything. And whether anyone knows it or not you are ALWAYS my girl! Matt

They were still far from where they should be but today had been a good day. Gabby and Matt took a step closer to each other. There was an old adage that had always seemed corny to Matt but summed up today in one sentence and it was, "The longest journey began with just one step. " He wanted a lifetime with Gabby no matter what the journey looked like


	9. Chapter 9

Matt headed out after a long shift as he followed Gabby out the door each going to their separate vehicles.

Matt called out to Gabby "I will meet you at the apartment"

"I will be a little late I am going to have breakfast with Antonio at the diner then will be home." Gabby turned to look at him.

"Oh yeah, I totally forgot. See you at home then. But to be honest I will probably be asleep by the time you get home." Matt answered and jogged to where Gabby was and planted a kiss firmly on her lips and walked to his truck.

Fifteen minutes later Gabby walked into the diner and saw that Antonio was already sitting at a booth by the window.

"Hey little sister. I haven't seen you a lot lately, except for Christmas" Antonio greeted Gabby as she scooted into the booth. They had seen each other on Christmas but had not had any time to talk alone.

"Yeah I know. You have been going undercover a lot lately." Gabby answered as she placed her purse down beside her and reached for a menu. They had all gathered at Christmas less Laura who did not want to come to her parents house. It had been the first Christmas that Gabby could remember that Laura had not been a part of the Dawson Christmas dinner.

Antonio looked at his sister and filddled with the napkin in front of him, "Yeah, since Laura and I split I have a lot more time on my hands. It keeps me busy and doesn't allow me to think about things too much. "

"Yeah, I know. Sorry for the scare to Laura by the way. I wasn't kidnapped after all." Gabby said trying to lighten the mood a little bit since she knew that Antonio still loved Laura and wanted things to work out between them.

"I leave you alone for a little while and see what you do? Seriously though, are you ok now? I mean have things settled down with you and Matt? " inquired Antonio since he knew how driven both he and his sister could be. Antonio wanted Gabby to be successful both personally and professionally.

A small smile came across Gabby's face as she remember the last shift, "Well the last shift was better. But it is still really tricky but matt and I are figuring things out. He agreed to go to counseling with me."

"Are you still seeing the chaplain?" Antonio inquired since he was the only one Gabby told about going for counseling.

"Well I stopped for a while but I have been going to see him on and off again. I mean with all of the tension with Matt and I working in the same house he has listened." Gabby admitted how much she looked forward to unloading on someone other than Antonio.

Antonio reached across the table and took his sisters hands, "Hey I am always here not matter what I am going through, OK? "

Tears filled Gabby's eyes as she hold onto Antonio's hands and looked back at him saying in Spanish, "Hermano mayor que yo sé, yo te amo a la luna y de regreso."

Antonio answered back in Spanish, "Te amo demasiado hermana del bebé."

They were quiet for a minute and then Antonio continued in Enlish," You and Matt keep working on things and I am sure that you will be fine."

Gabby got quiet and said. "I am just scared since I see you and Laura who had a strong marriage. From the beginning I thought that you two would be together forever. Then Christy and Jim are also finalizing their divorce. I just want to make sure that Matt and I do things right. "

Antonio looked down for a second considering how he would answer then cleared his throat and said., " Look you can't base what you see Laura and I going through on you and Matt. Don't be scared of life because even if Laura and I are finished I wouldn't change anything. I mean I have Diego and Eva from our marriage and they are worth everything I am going throught now"

Gabby looked at him and said as her hands reached across the table to touch his gently, " I am here for you , Diego and Eva. Just let me know if you need anything OK?"

Right then the waitress came up with their water and they decided to order. A while later after they had eaten Gabby and Antonio rose to leave the diner and hugged. As she was leaving she saw Peter Mills walking in the diner as she walked out. Gabby stopped and hesitated for a minute then called to Mills, "Hey Pete, How are you feeling."

Mills looked around nervously and said not wanting another confrontation with the Lieutenant ,"Fine, where is Casey?"

"Not here, I just finished having lunch with Antonio. I am headed back to the apartment now." Gabby looked uncomfortable.

Mills cleared his throat, "I have to get going. I am meeting my mom and sister and then I am going to see the chief."

Gabby nodded and said as she watched Pete leave, "OK, take care of yourself."

"Yeah you too Gabby." Peter Mills walked away quickly and drew in a deep breath hoping that Gabby was in a better place than before.

Back at the apartment Matt heard a knock on his door and answered. Standing in front of him was an older man that was slightly taller than him who spoke up and asked, "Are you Matt Casey?"

Matt answered as he stood in the door, "Yeah I am Matt, what can I do for you?"

The older man put out his hand and said,' I am Robert an old friend of your mom's"

Then Matt returned the handshake and said, "Nice to meet you what can I do for you? Are you here about a construction job?"

The man stood for a second and ran his hand through his hair and let out a long breath," Look there is no easy way to say this. I mean I have rehearsed this a thousand times in my mind. Now that I am here I don't know where to begin.

Confused Matt stood staring at the man wondering what he was here for and then answered while a feeling of uneasiness settled in the pit of his stomach,"Is this about my mom? Is she in trouble? Just spit it out please."

"I haven't seen your mom since before your dad died." Robert answered as he looked at Matt directly in the eyes

Matt was curious and frustrated as he watched the man in front of him try to collect himself. Then was surprised when he saw tears in the corners of his eyes, " OK well I guess there is no good way to do this. Your mom and I had an affair while she was still married to your dad, Greg. And I have reason to believe that you might be my son."

Matt turned pale and felt as if his knees were going to buckle under him. He stood at the door unsure of what to do and then said as he stepped aside to let Robert into his apartment "I think you need go tell me what the hell you mean, my dad is Greg Casey."

Then Matt looked at the man in front of him who looked as if he was about to pass out. " I am sorry I don't feel well I need to sit down." After hesitating for a second Matt stepped aside to let Robert come in the apartment without a word.

Robert stepped into the apartment and took a seat on the couch then asked, "Can I have a glass of water please?"

Matt nodded and headed to the kitchen to get Robert a glass of water and then felt sick to his stomach. He took a minute and leaned against the sink as he watched the glass fill up as he tried to steal himself for the conversation that may change his life forever. When Matt went back into the living room he found Robert still sitting on the couch looking both pale and weak. He walked over and handed the glass of water to the man and sat opposite him unsure of how to continue. Matt waited for him to compose himself and take a few drinks fo water.

Matt then said to Robert, "Look, now that you are feeling better i really need for you to tell me what the hell you are talking about."

The older man shook his head and answered in a low tone ," I don't know where to begin."

Matt looked at him both frustrated and scared, "I suggest you tell me about how you know my mom and why you think that you are my dad."


	10. Chapter 10

Matt sat waiting for Robert to continue patiently with nerves gnawing at his stomach. Robert took another drink of water and then looked at Matt again and began to speak, "Your mom and I knew each other from high school and were involved but then we went our separate ways. Then years later we reconnected after running into each other out somewhere. One thing led to another and we began a brief affair. It ended abruptly when your mom found out that she was pregnant with you. She said that she didn't want to put your sister Christy through a divorce so she decided to try and make things work with you dad. I was crazy about her and begged her to leave Greg and come with me. But Nancy said that it wouldn't be fair to you or your sister."

Robert finished and looked up at Matt whose jaw was set with a frown said, "So why are you just showing up now? I mean why not bring this up years ago?"

"I tried a few times to contact your mom but had no luck convincing her to let me see you. Although I did see you a few times playing with your sister at the park. But I didn't want to interfere since I thought your mom and dad had a good marriage." Robert said as he took another sip of water.

"So you knew where I lived and even kept tabs on me but didn't bother to try and contact me?" Matt said angrily as he stood up and began to pace.

"I thought it was for the best since I was married by then and figured you loved your dad and looked at him as you father. I wanted to protect you."

Matt laughed sarcastically as he stood and looked at Robert with his hands crossed over his chest, "You wanted to protect me. It sounds more like you wanted to protect your own interests since you were married."

"Look son, I admit," Robert tried to continue..

Matt scowled and said, "Don't call me that since you haven't proven that anything you said is true at all. "

"Look it wasn't until later when I read that your mom had murdered your father that I wanted to contact you. But I was too unsure and scared by that time and I also had a daughter and wife to think about by then' Robert continued quietly as he looked at the carpet.

Matt sat down and leaned in looking at Robert again, "So you mean to tell me you knew about what happened between my mom and dad. You suspected that I was your son and yet you still left me alone."

"Son, I mean Matt you weren't alone you had Christy to help out. " Robert stuttered turning pale again as he saw how mad Matt was.

"I was 17 going on 18 years old and my sister was a junior in college who could barely take care of herself. Do you know how I spent the last part of my senior year? I spent the night on couches of friends or on my Aunt's couch since she lived in a one bedroom apartment. I made it with the help of my friend Andy's parents as well as my aunt. My sister had to hold down 2 jobs herself to pay her way through college. So don't tell me what it was like because I lived it. " Matt's face was getting redder as he remembered how hard that time was for him. The struggle for security as well as dealing with all of the gossip at school had been hard. He had worked odd jobs until he got accepted to the Academy. He had been scared and alone with no one to turn to.

Looking around Robert not knowing what to say blurted out,"It looks like you did pretty well for yourself."

"Damn it that was because I had no choice. I was a scared kid who went into the fire academy so that I could put a roof over my head and food on my table. I worked hard until I got out of school bagging groceries and never mind. ..." Matt paused as he shook his head, "You don't get to know what it was like for me. Can you please just leave?" Matt looked at Robert as he pointed to the door

"Look please just let me finish what I came to say." Robert looked up at Matt with a pleading expression.

"Oh I think I have heard enough of what you have to say." Matt continued as he took a few strides toward the door hell-bent on getting Robert to leave.

"Look I wanted to tell you about your sister." Robert still trying to convince Matt to hear him out.

Matt stopped in his tracks and said, "You have 2 minutes to finish before I pick you up and throw you out.

Robert nodded and then tears started to form in the corners of his eyes." Your sister's name was Anna. She was beautiful and full of life and had your eyes. I just wanted you to know about her."

"What do you mean by was beautiful? " Matt asked all the while afraid to know the answer.

"Well she died last month in a traffic accident. So I needed to let you know that she existed and that I exist before I am gone too. I want someone to remember us" Robert said as he sobbed and stood trying to head for the door.

Matt not knowing what to say, "Look I am sorry that you lost your daughter but I need you to leave now. I don't' know how I can help you. I would really like you to leave now"

Robert walked to the door as his head dropped and looked back one last time and dropped a business card on the table next to the door, " If you change your mind here is my address and phone number. I would like for you to know a little about my family too. I mean I would be willing to take a DNA test to prove everything that I am saying. "

Matt did not say anything as he watched the man go out the door. Shaking Matt reached for his jacket and coat and headed out the door. He took the back stairs not wanting to run into Robert again. Once outside Matt headed toward his truck and dialed his Moms' cell phone number as he headed in the direction of her apartment. Just as he reached his truck he felt bile come up between his teeth and began to vomit. The entire contents of his stomach was deposited on the ground as hot tears streamed down his face. Matt sat in his truck shaking as his hands clenched the steering wheel. Just then Gabby pulled up beside him, got out of her car and stood by the truck trying to open the truck door which was locked. Gabby looked at Matt and lightly pounded on the window. "Baby what happened?""

Matt looked up stunned his face ashen white and rolled down the window then leaned and unlocked the passenger side door ,"Get in, I'll explain on the way to moms house." Gabby didn't think twice but went to the passengers side of the truck and climbed in. Matt backed out of the parking spot and tossed his phone to Gabby still gripping the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles were white," Can you tell mom that we are on our way to her house?"

"Yeah sure" Gabby said not sure what was going on but knew Matt well enough to calm down. Gabby got Nancy's voice mail and left her the message and then handed Matt back his phone.

Matt's face was unreadable at that point as he said, "Everything I thought about my family may be a lie. A damned lie".


	11. Chapter 11

Ok mini rant – First of all work place romances stink. HOWEVER, this could have been worked out without the unnecessary drama. I am not upset IF they do the rest of the writing properly and make them communicate and appreciate what they have. Since they began dating they have made Casey and Dawson seem petty and pendantic. Now I would like to see them grow the relationship into a healthy direction. Also don't always make Dawson the villain and Casey the hero since real life is not that way. I just wonder if they will have Casey step down as Dawson's Lt to "prove" his wanting her and then will be replaced by Hermann?

Gabby looked at Matt and said, "Baby, I'm not sure what you are talking about. What is a lie?"

Matt tried to answer as he thought back to the visit from Robert," I don't even know what to tell you. A guy from my mom's past stopped by the apartment today right before you came back. He said that he could be my dad."

Gabby was too stunned to speak for a minute, "What? Baby I am so sorry. But what makes you think he is even telling the truth?"

Matt glanced over at Gabby and then began to pull over his truck into a parking lot, "Gabby, I don't know what to believe. I mean growing up my dad was an ass but I at least thought that I belonged to him. Now I don't know."

Gabby reached and unbuckled her seatbelt and scooted over to be closer to Matt. She could see him visibly shaking and upset and so she took hold of his hand and laid her head on his shoulder. "We'll figure it out."

Matt was not a man to openly show his grief but he appreciated Gabby just being there for him as he calmed down. Meanwhile Gabby just sat in the truck waiting for Matt to talk since he seemed so shaken. The past few weeks had been very hard for them trying to work through their issues. But Gabby wanted to work through their with Matt so that they would be stronger. That was the reason she wanted to attend counseling with him.

Slowly Matt calmed down and turned to Gabby with a voice thick with emotions, "Hey, thanks for being here for me. I know things have been rough between us lately. I love you, Gabby. " Right then their entire world was encapsulated in that truck. The distance that had been the between them melted.

"Like I said, we will figure it out, together. " Gabby said as she wrapped her arms around Matt and held him tightly.

"Thanks baby" Matt sighed as he let out a long breath with some of the tension that he held in his body. After a few seconds he continued, "So I am not even sure if I should even talk to my mom yet. I mean I want some answers though Gabby, What should I do?"

" Well, My first thought is that maybe you could get Newhouse to look into this Robert guy to see who he really is. I would ask Antonio but well he has his hands full with work and the separation from Laura "

"Yeah I will give Newhouse a call before I talk to mom. So how was Antonio this morning? " Matt was still spinning but being able to talk to Gabby helped, a lot.

"He is working through it but I can tell he is lost without being able to see his family every day. But I think he is coping by going undercover more than than he used to. I am worried about him."

"Just be there for him like you guys always are for each other. Now can we go home and get some rest? I am exhausted." Matt said as he put his truck in reverse to back out of the parking space."

"Sounds great babe. All I want to do is fall asleep in your arms and wake up later this afternoon. Oh by the way, I made us an appointment with the chaplain tomorrow morning. Is that ok?"

"Yeah, I don't have any jobs tomorrow so that is great. Gabs, you know I really want this to work out even if I don't show it. You know that right?"

Gabby nodded her head as she leaned over and planted a kiss on Matt's lips before scooting over to buckle her seat belt. Matt's larger calloused hand closed over Gabby's hand that lay in the middle of the seat. Right now it was like they were each other's life line in all the confusion and madness of the past few months. Lately, they had forgotten what had brought them together in the first place, friendship and love. The pressure of work and home had almost made it impossible to concentrate on the good in their relationship. Today Matt and Gabby had each taken a step to bridge the gap between them.. They still knew that there was lots of stuff to work out between them but today they were a step closer to healing.

"Hey promise me one thing?" Matt almost whispered as he drove toward their apartment.

"Promise you what?" Gabby asked as he squeezed her hand.

"Just remember that even through these last few weeks. I love you and want you to succeed." Matt picked up Gabby's hand kissed it.

Gabby nodded and replied," I know, I love you too."

Back at the apartment Kelly answered a knock on the door and found it to be Christy, Matt's sister. A shirtless Kelly watched as Matt's sister stared blankly for a moment before he laughed and said,"NO Matt isn't here right now. But I thought that he and Dawson were coming here directly from shift. Maybe they had something to do. Do you want to come in and wait? On them"

Chirsty stepped into the apartment and said as she tried to look anyhere but at Kelly ,"Yeah sure I'll wait a few minutes"

"I know you have been to the firehouse a few times. I'm Kelly Severide." Kelly said as he finished putting on his shirt and extended his hand to Christy.

"Would you like something to drink? I mean we have pop, water or a beer,." Kelly grinned at Christy as she did not answer right away.

Laughing lightly Christy answered Kelly," I could use a beer after the week I have had. My ex is trying to play hard ball with visitation and Violet. Sorry, I will take a water."

Kelly brought Christy back a water from the kitchen, "Yeah divorce with a kid must be tough. It sounds like you need to get out and blow off some steam. "

Christy said said absently as she fiddled with her glass of water' "Yeah that is what my friends say but I haven't dated since college. I think I have forgotten how to date. "

Kelly says looking at Christy intently "The only way to find out is to go out and try. How about Friday, you and me and Molly's?"

Christy asked," Pardon? I mean are you asking me on a date?"

Kelly laughed and shook his head, "Nope it is just a dry run for when you meet someone that you want to date. Look I am not looking for anything serious right now. I just want someone to have fun with and hang out with that does not know anything about firefighting. Besides you are a lot prettier that my squad buddies."

Christy laughed and said, 'That sounds like fun as long as we keep it casual. I just want to have fun right now. See you Friday Kelly. Be sure to tell Matt I stopped by" Then Christy rose and left the apartment since she didn't want to wait for Matt and Gabby to return to the apartment.

Kelly shut the door behind him and wondered to himself "How am I going to tell Casey I have a date with is sister? Way to go Severide, way to go"


	12. Chapter 12

Casey walked into the chaplains office and met Dawson there since they had driven separately. He sat down in the chair and started to fidget as Gabby was looking at her phone. Matt was not a man who wore his emotions on his sleeves. But when it came right down to it his relationship with Gabby meant more to him than anything. He felt Gabby's small had close over his as she said, " Thanks for doing this. We will get through this."

Matt relaxed a little bit and looked back at Gabby without saying anything but then he continued to bounce his leg up and down.

Gabby's hand moved to his leg and laughed as she said, "You are making me jumpy. Relax the chaplain is here to help us. I promise he doesn't bite."

Matt chuckled as he looked back at Gabby and then at the clock on the wall, "Does he usually take this long?"

"Matt Casey, I have never seen you this nervous. I mean you fight fires for a living. Talking about us isn't going to kill you."

Just then the chaplain came into his office and apologized and took a seat, "Sorry that I am late guys, I had an appointment that ran long today. How are you guys today?"

Gabby smiled and glanced over to Matt, "We're fine and no problem. You are only a few minutes late."

The chaplain began by saying, "Since I have seen Gabby a few times by herself I would like to start off by just seeing Matt today by himself. Would you be comfortable with that Matt? It is ok if I call you Matt since these are counseling session."

Matt looked at Gabby and then answered stubbornly, "Well we were really here about us."

The chaplain gently responded, "It is just a way for me to get to know you a little individually before I counsel you as a couple. This would just a process of getting to know you better. It will let me be able to understand you and how you communicate. Trust me Lieutenant."

Gabby added looking at Matt as she rose to leave ,"It is fine with me. I'll meet you at home."

Matt nervously eyed Gabby and then the chaplain, "Sure, see you at home."

As soon as the door closed behind Gabby the Chaplain began by saying, "So tell me a little bit about yourself and what led you to be a fire fighter."

Immediately Matt relaxed as he started talking about the fire academy and his early training. A few minutes later Casey realized that he and the Chaplain had been talking freely about innocuous subjects. And that is when the chaplain suddenly changed directions, "You mentioned your mom and your dad weren't around when you went into the academy, that must have been hard."

Surprised Matt paused for a few seconds," Yeah it was hard but I had to do it. It was just putting one foot in front of the other and making it to the end of each day."

The chaplain nodded, "So you didn't have anyone to rely or depend on? You got used to handling everything on your own?"

Matt nodded," I just did what had to be done. I mean I had to be there for my sister Christy. She was older but I kind of felt like I needed to be strong for her and mom. I had to grow up fast. I mean when you have to put food in your mouth you don't dwell on how your are feeling too much."

The chaplain nodded and then replied," So you are used to putting people first in your personal and professional lives? I mean as firefighters we risk our lives for others all the time."

"Chaplain, isn't that what you do everyday ? Only you take care of our bodies as well as our souls?" Matt answered uncomfortably as the chaplain began to get too close to some truths that Casey did not want to face.

"That's' right and sometimes the burden gets heavy. Sometimes too heavy but then I go home and spend time with my wife and kids and forget about the job for a while. Lately you and Gabriela don't have that luxury. So it must be hard to separate the two places?"

Matt looked stunned at the chaplain who had just brought the conversation around full circle. ,"Yeah it has been hard to make the transition. I mean I am responsible for my men's lives on the job. I don't take the lightly. When Gabby steps out of line I am worried for her and my men. I know what it is like to lose someone that I love. My dad and Hallie and Andy…." Then Casey's voice trails off as he thinks of the time after losing Hallie and how Gabby had been there.

The Chaplain asked Matt as he noticed the silence and the look of grief on Casey's face," I knew Andy Darden. Who is Hallie?"

"She was my fiancé well girlfriend and she died in a fire last year. Gabby was there and helped me through my grief. She was my lifeline" Matt thought back to the last year when Gabby had helped pull him out of his endless grief and how slowly Gabby was the one his heart had opened up to.

"So now the one you talked to is also the one that you are scared of losing?" the Chaplain looked directly at Matt who just looked at the ground. He didn't look up as the Chaplain continued, "You are going to have to face the fear of losing Gabby. Just like you did when you went into your first fire."

Matt sat there quietly for a few minutes not know what to say. He did not want to face losing Gabby or that possibility. Just the thought of another loss made Casey sick to his stomach. The last time he had went so far into himself that it was only the fact that Gabby was there that had saved him.

Eventually the chaplain spoke up," I think that is enough for today. I understand you and Gabby have shift tomorrow. I will see the two of you again but this time together. Take care Lieutenant."

Matt rose and shook the hand of the chaplain and thanked him before he left to head home to Gabby.

Back at the apartment Gabby sat in the living room reading when Kelly came in and sat beside her. He flipped on the television and absentmindedly watched sports.

Kelly then asked as he kept his eyes focused on the television, "So how are you and Casey doing?"

Gabby looked up surprised and answered as she wondered if Matt had told Kelly about his encounter with the man claiming to be his father, "OK I guess. Just trying to work through our stuff without bringing it into 51."

"So is Casey in a little better place lately?" Kelly wondering since he wanted to tell Casey about his date with Christy.

"Yeah I guess. I mean his problem was with me not with anyone else lately." Gabby looked up from what she was doing trying to figure out what Severide was getting at.

"Um did I tell you that his sister stopped by the other day?" Severide glanced at Gabby and then back at the tv.

"Yeah he mentioned it. Severide I have known you for years and I call bull shit. What is going on?" Gabby started laughing at guilty look on Kelly's face.

"Christy and I have a date Friday night and I am trying to find out the best way to tell Casey about it." Kelly grinned sheepishly trying to win Dawson's sympathy/

Gabby rose from the couch as she shook her head. "Kelly Severide you keep my name away from this conversation with Matt. It is one thing to go bar crawling with Matt with a random girl. But let him think about your doing things to his sister Christy and all bets are off. That is all you buddy, ALL YOU!."

"Gabs come on. Please I need your help. I mean you can help me tell him." Kelly pleaded with Gabby as she walked toward the kitchen.

"Shay would give you a look and tell you to Run Forrest Run! You have made your bed so you tell Casey who is in it. And keep my name out of this." Gabby shook her head and chuckled at the thought of Matt finding out that Kelly was dating his sister.

Kelly went back to the couch helplessly trying to figure out a way to tell Casey without getting punched. Severide had been fine with Otis dating his sister but then again Otis didn't have Kelly's reputation. Kelly let out a long breath, Damn, Damn Damn…."

Matt pulled into a gas station two blocks from his apartment to fill his truck up and he heard a voice call out to him from across the gas station parking lot.

"Hey Casey, you still keeping your candidate warm? I hear from a little bird that there is trouble in paradise" Welch called out to Casey in a snide tone.

Casey knew that something had leaked about he and Dawson but wasn't surprised since the firefighting community was very small. Casey wanted to ignore Welch but called back, "Welch why don't you go find a hole and crawl in it."

Welch yelled back at Casey not wanting to give up pissing him off "If you get tired of Dawson maybe she can be our next candidate. I could use someone to get our station clean and well all of the other stuff I am sure that she is good at. Her lips make me think of all kinds of things I could have Dawson do for me."

Before he could think Casey was walking across the parking lot headed toward Welch who ducked into his car and drove away. Matt stalked back to his own truck more determined than ever to make things work with Gabby. He wanted to wipe that smug smile off of Welch's face when Gabby became a firefighter. If the truth were know Matt wanted to punch the smug look off of Welch's face permanently. But even better would be having Gabby and he prove Welch wrong by overcoming their difficulties.


End file.
